Okay, so I felt like torturing myself today so I went back to the hospital for Silas' medical records and then popped into Labor and Delivery to have a chat with the head of the department. While I waited for her I thought I was going to have a panic attack and pass out, but the conversation ended up being good. She has now asked me to come to a staff meeting to share my experience and help educate the staff on how they can better support women who experience stillbirth in their hospital. Now, I need your help…
What type of support would you have liked to have been given by the hospital that you didn't get?
What did they do that you liked?
What suggestions do you have that could have improved your stay there?
A few of my suggestions will be:
1. Offer NILMDTS services. The brochure was in a folder they gave me, but they didn't point it out or explain it to me. Thus, I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked.
2. Ask more often if I want to hold my son. I was in such shock that I didn't hold him that long and I wish that was different.
3. Offer to let me bath and clothe my son
I agree with yours. I knew about NILMDTS and asked. My hospital had never heard of it, but they looked them up for me. So happy I knew of them beforehand. I'm sorry you did not. :(
ReplyDeleteDoctors NEED to be educated about bedside manner! Overall the staff working with us was amazing, but our neurologist was just very, here are the facts. I don't remember him offering condolences. We had another doctor who was just very cold from the get go. She came in at the end, listened to Adam's heart, and left the room. He had already passed, but she didn't even tell us. She said NOTHING. Our nurse came in several minutes later and told us he was gone. This is something that sticks with me and I'm still furious about it. Be a human and just offer support!
I definitely think that staff needs to encourage families to be more involved with end of life, or after passing, care. Shock plays a huge part in our experience and gentle guidance would help us walk out of the room knowing that we took advantage of every single moment we had with our child. Good luck to you and good for you for speaking to the staff. As a nurse, I know that I always learned the most from the patients and their families. They will truly appreciate and take to heart what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky to have excellent care in the hospital when Florence died. They have a dedicated bereavement suite, and bereavement mw's, but all the staff I came into contact with were wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThere were some unavoidable horrible moments due to our particular circumstances,but I felt they were dealt with as well as they could be.
I've kept in contact with the bereavement mw, and she has been a tremendous support to me, especially when I was pregnant again, and more recently has offered unofficial support when I needed it.
The only thing I wish we'd had access to is something like NILMDTS, I've never heard of anything like this in the UK. We had taken a few snaps at home when Florence was born, and the mw's did encourage us to let them take some, but they are not very good at all.
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When leaving, don't wheel you out the same door and loading area as parents leaving with their newborns while you leave with nothing but a memory box, blankets your baby was wrapped in and....tears.
ReplyDeleteWe are doing the same thing in a couple weeks at the hospital where our Isaac was born still in March. I will be following the comments because I too would like to know of others experiences. The one thing I have thought about was a couple of the young nurses who cared for me. They would come in and do their job then leave --- not a word spoke. Come to find out, the hospital has a lot of new nurses and they just don't know what to say. I plan to explain that just simply saying, "I'm sorry for your loss." is so much better than silence. One young nurse just needed me to break the silence. Once I did, she opened up and was wonderful. Some moms won't break that silence and need the nurses to be compassionate. We had an awesome experience at our hospital, but I believe there is always room for improvement -- in anything! Good luck in your preparation.
ReplyDeleteI think the 3 you listed are super important. I was asked if I wanted NILMDTS but I said no right away because I was freaked out and scared after everything that had happened. I wish they would have pushed it on me a little more, I would have loved to have that done. I did however like that they pushed getting pictures taken with a regular camera because I am grateful I have those at least.
ReplyDeleteI also wish they would have asked me more to hold my son and given me the opportunity to wash him.
I really don't have any suggestions beyond what you said, but I think this is good of you to be able to educate the hospital and others a little more after a baby loss.