Wednesday, June 8, 2011

3 months

In a parallel universe, I am celebrating my son turning 3 months old today.  In a parallel universe, his is giggling, and smiling, and cooing at me.  In a parallel universe, I am on maternity leave and loving my beautifully alive little boy. 

In this universe, I am crying because my son should have been 3 months old today.  In this universe, I am crying because N asked me what milestones would Silas be making right now at 3 months old and I couldn’t answer because I don’t know, I don’t have a 3 month old showing me what those are. 

In this universe, I am happy that today I became a part of the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope team and will be helping post people’s stories to the site.  In this universe, I am hoping that my son is looking down on me and is proud that through my sadness I am finding a way to do something positive and give back to the BLM community as these women have given so much to me. 

In this universe, today is bittersweet.  Mostly bitter, but a little sweet.  Thank you Kristin at Faces of Loss, for giving me this opportunity and welcoming me to your team of awesome women.


  1. Every day is difficult and every month is live rewinding the whole story from the start. It'll be 3 months for us too on the 25th of this month.

    Big hugs

  2. Congrats on being part of the Faces team. :) I love that group.

    Adam should be 7 months on Monday. I hate the anniversaries and all the reminders of what should have been that come along with it. Many hugs.

  3. I am so inspired by you and hope to become a part of the team as well as soon as something opens that seems to fit.

    Much love to you today, sweetie. 3 months sucks.

  4. Shaina - I just stumbled upon your blog while stumbling through my own grief - we lost our second son while in labor. It was the same day as your dear Silas' due date - Feb. 21st. I feel unable to start a blog as I never know what to say (I freeze up while posting anything, even before the whole universe changed)...but reading your thoughts makes me realize how much I'm dealing with the same sort of thoughts swirling in my brain. So, thank you. I hope we both find a way to stay afloat in this alternate universe (so glad you used that word, that's how I think of this every day). Hugs to you.

  5. Thinking of you. Three months - it was so raw for me. I'm sorry that's where you are now. It hurts to even think about that time in my life. But I had to get through that, to get to where I am now, and you'll get through this as well. No way around it or over it, you just have to go through it.

  6. I am glad you will be helping other Mothers through their loss. Thank you for extending yourself, I am proud of you!