Tuesday, June 7, 2011


People have said they would be here to pick up the pieces (most of which have been only words), but now is the time, I am FUCKING falling apart, and I am so scared.

I just left work because I started crying as I walked into a meeting full of people.  I just can't hold it together…

tomorrow will be three months since I held my baby in my arms…..THIS FUCKING SUCKS!


  1. Oh Shania. My heart aches for you.
    I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you and Silas xo

  2. Sometimes it just happens. You just LOSE it. It's impossible. :(

  3. I'm so sorry this one is hitting you so hard. I'm glad you took care of yourself by leaving, and I know you'll do what's best for yourself tomorrow too.
    Also I try not to too bring much up at work so your day can be as "normal" as possible, but you know that if you ever feel the urge to talk to about something, or even just randomly say anything, I'm all there :)
    wishing you strength over these next difficult days..

  4. Oh mama, I'm so sorry. I never managed to go back to work (but I was still being looked after with paid maternity leave here in Australia) so my heart absolutely goes out to you. I have no idea how you're doing it. I was still barely showering daily at three months.

  5. I've been having a horrible time too. Many BLMs said that there's something about 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months out that are really hard for whatever reason. I used to think "Yeah right, every month is agony"...but really, those markers so far seem to be the worst. I am 6 months tomorrow. I am wit you at the bottom of the pit Shaina. You WILL survive this. Don't give up, ever. I am here for you always. xo

  6. Six months has been a real shithole for me. Three months wasn't easy either.

    With you in grief.