Friday, April 22, 2011
I don't want to hear "it will getter better"
I am not ready to even contemplate that right now. I don't want to get further away from the time I had Silas. Right now, I wish I could turn back time and freeze it in the moment I held my precious son in my arms. He never took a breath, but he was perfect. I can still feel the weight of him in my arms, picture his beautiful face. If I only could go back to that, spend more time caressing his sweet cheeks and kiss his forehead. I don't want to move forward and further away from that moment. I am afraid the further away I get the the foggier that memory will become. If I don't remember who will?
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Shaina. I know how you feel. When people said that to me in the first month or two, I wanted to say, "It SHOULDN'T get better. If I'm a good mom, then it WON'T get better, because how could I EVER feel better about losing my son?!?!" I could do a blogpost on this actually - thanks for the idea. ; ) I have regrets that I didn't spend more time with my precious boy. I think everybody does - nothing you do will ever feel like "enough". Just know that as you do move forward, you aren't moving away. Yes, you may be moving away from that moment, but that doesn't mean you are moving away from your precious Silas. You carry him in your heart every minute of every day for the rest of your life and then some. ~Lindsay
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