Thursday, April 28, 2011

A better day

I am committed to having a better day today than I did yesterday and the day before.  Tuesday and yesterday almost did me in.  I attempted to go to work yesterday and lasted about a half an hour.  I went home and luckily Nate was home and he just snuggled up next to me and held my while I cried in bed.  It is weird how I have such a hard time on the days that I feel okay because I don't like to feel okay, but when I am low it is frightening how low I can get.  So, yesterday I did everything in my power to get out of that really low place.  I was cradled by my hubby, I went and whacked to pole he made me in the backyard with my martial arts stick (we created an anger release station in the backyard), I took a bath, I went for a run, I painted for the first time in years.  It was the most self-care I have done in a long time all in one day.  And, it worked to get me out of that desperately low place I was in.  I think it was the run.  I am going to try hard to make that a routine.  Before the run, I was pacing around my house, I just wasnt feeling comfortable even in my own skin.  Part of me wanted to lay down and hibernate, but there was too much emotional energy coursing through me so I would walk around the house and look for things to do, but had no motivation to do any of it.  The run allowed me to release some of that energy so that I could just settle a little.  I enjoyed painting too.  I am always hesitant to do it because I am such an amatuer (really, it looks like a 5 year olds paintings) and get too self-critical, but I am going to try and let that go.  It felt good to express some of my feelings and pain through art.  Maybe I will post some of the artwork an poems if I feel confident enought to do so.


  1. I would love to see your art and read your poetry. Also, I have really wanted to start running. It's good to know that you found it helpful. Maybe I will too. So glad you had a better day today.

  2. Sounds like a real suffocating catch-22...damned if you stay in pain, damned if you don't. I'm so glad you're trying new things to help release all that emotional/physical energy...running is aggressive and exhausts every cell in your body and yet completely awakens and freshens your mind (in my experience). Today I had 20 minutes before therapy and sprinted around downtown Petaluma neighborhoods! It was awesome. (Isn't it ironic that I was preaching barefoot shoes to you the day after you ran for the first time in forever?!) In terms of the painting, just let Silas be your critical eye there, just love, total understanding, and appreciation for the messiness :)